Chapter 5

A lot of non-Christians often ask the question “Why are Christians so concerned with who people sleep with? It’s not their problem, is it?”

Of course this completely misses the fact that we live in a society so obsessed with sex that it’s ridiculous. Movies have sex scenes all over the place (euphemistically called “love scenes”). Many magazines advertise sex on the cover (often out of context, so you will buy the magazine unawares). Sex is used in advertisements for clothes, cars and snack food. So who’s concerned?

The truth is that all of us are interested in sex, perhaps pathologically so. There’s no shame in admitting that it’s an easy way to grab our attention.

Sometimes that’s good. Within a healthy marriage, it’s great.

Sex CAN be destructive, though, and the most obvious context in which this happens is the dreaded “affair”.

I have blogged before about the innocuous little word – “affair” – which is designed to help you to forget that what we’re discussing is an act of complete betrayal of trust. So I won’t go into that again. But here we’re looking at the issue from the other side, from a standpoint of wisdom.

Proverbs 5 talks about this issue – that of the seductress. Culturally speaking, there was a perception at the time that marital unfaithfulness often (or even usually) began with the woman. Today we know that men are just as likely to stray, if not more so; so perhaps today this passage would be written with both male and female seducers in mind! But I want to consider one little point.

Normally when someone is unfaithful to their partner, we consider them to have been selfish and taken advantage of the innocent party; rightly so, too, because that is often the case. But if you look carefully, verses 7 – 14 talk about how the person who PARTICIPATES in unfaithfulness is also one who has been taken advantage of.

How could that be, since that person is the one who had fun?

Well, it is simple – whoever encourages them to forget about their marriage vows is taking advantage of them. And ultimately, they will be hurt by their unfaithfulness. Ultimately they’ll wish it had never happened. The price of the moment’s pleasure in an illicit affair is a lifetime of regrets.

An affair is not a victimless crime. It has three victims – the innocent spouse who has been betrayed, and both people directly involved in the affair.

Affairs can really play havoc with any one of those victims. They hurt people badly, and I’m sick of seeing so many in society. Tragically, Christians are involved in MANY affairs today.

One thing that Proverbs 5 recommends is this: “Draw water from your own spring-fed well.” In other words, don’t take your marriage for granted. You need to work on it. There are ALWAYS times when you don’t really feel in love with that person you married – but press on anyway. It’s worth it. And remember that if you find the initial “in-love” feeling has gone (as it will go), that’s a normal part of any marriage. The “spark” can be brought back if a couple are willing to make the effort.

Once an affair has already happened, it’s much harder to repair the damage (and many people are not willing to). So the best way to stop affairs is to not let them start in the first place!

God wants us remaining faithful to the one we marry. It also makes good sense. So let’s pray that we do so, relying on His strength rather than our own.